


Meet The Family

by caz251



Series: Creepy Kooky Spooky...Torchwood [9]
Category: Addams Family - All Media Types, Torchwood
Genre: Gwen Bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-10
Updated: 2013-02-10
Packaged: 2017-11-28 20:40:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/678673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caz251/pseuds/caz251
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Team Torchwood meet Ianto's family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own either the Addams Family or Torchwood, no matter how hard I wish it were so.

“Jack”, Gwen almost yelled as she entered the hub through the cog door, distress evident in her voice. “Jack, there’s something outside the tourist office you have to deal with.” Her voice wavering as she spoke.

“What?” Jack asked as he bounded towards her from his office. “Did you get it?” He enquired.

“Yes, I got it.” She said, gesturing to the box she had brought in with her, she didn’t know what was in the box only that it had come through the rift and Andy had found it.

Jack’s attention was fixated fully on the box, looking at it almost reverently, a look that in Gwen’s mind should be reserved only for her. In an attempt to gain his attention she let out an almost pitiful whine, “Jack”.

Hearing Gwen whining his name pulled his attention from the box, and his thoughts from the fun he and Ianto would have with the contents. “What is it, Gwen?” He asked, exasperation colouring his tone, why Gwen had to try to always be the centre of attention was a mystery to him.

“There are two things, I don’t know what they are, but they’re hairy, just outside the tourist office. You have to do something about them.” Gwen spoke, looking at Jack to make sure he was still paying attention to her.

“Why didn’t you –“, Jack began only to be cut off.

Puffing herself up to look more important than she is Gwen started in on a rant, “I was carrying that bloody box, and when I asked who they were, where they came from and what they wanted they squeaked at me Jack, squeaked.”

Jack’s attention was once again taken by someone that he saw as much more important than a whining Gwen. Behind Gwen Ianto stood wearing a black pinstriped suit with a black shirt and tie, with numerous cigars sticking out of his pocket. Over his arm he carried Jack’s greatcoat.

“Ready to go?” Ianto asked as he helped Jack into his coat. Jack just nodded not being able to speak, the sight of Ianto having taken his breath away. He picked up the box that Gwen had brought in with her, forgetting about her until he had almost reached the door before turning back as she once again called his name.

“Oh right Gwen, Owen’s doing something at the hospital, but Tosh should be in soon, you can leave once she arrives.” Jack told her before following Ianto through the cog door.

Gwen huffed at the way she had been dismissed and threw herself into her chair in front of her computer, bringing up the CCTV footage for the outside of the tourist office, if she had to wait here until Tosh arrived she might as well enjoy the Teaboys’ reaction to the hairy things.

Jack and Ianto walked out of the tourist office, Jack still carrying that infernal box, when Gwen had tried to open it she found that she was unable to due to a future locking mechanism. They were talking quietly, what they were saying she had no idea, but they shared a quick look before looking at the hairy things in front of them.

What Gwen didn’t expect was for Ianto to smile at them or the smaller of the two things to launch itself at Ianto, she held her breath hoping that it would do something to Ianto and get him out of the way, he had no reason to still be around interfering with her and Jack’s love for one another. She smiled when she realised that Jack hadn’t pulled his gun, proving to her that he didn’t care about Ianto, only for it to disappear when the hairy thing pulled away from Ianto and moved to the larger one.

It appeared as if Ianto was communicating with them, but that was impossible if Gwen couldn’t do it, no-one could. Coming out of her thoughts she noticed the hairy things move towards an old car, Jack and Ianto following them, smiles playing across both their faces. Gwen recoiled in horror at the driver as he vacated the car to open the doors for them, he was not normal, he couldn’t be, her mind cried.

Knowing that her Jack could be in danger she followed the car using the CCTV and was surprised to see it stop in front of one of the best hotels in the city. The occupants of the car got out and made their way into the front entrance where they met up with another group of people who were just as strange.

Luckily for Gwen, Toshiko had created a program that was idiot proof for monitoring people using CCTV, meaning that the program did all the work and she didn’t have to fail at hacking into the hotel security system. The group just inside the hotel lobby consisted of three men and three women. One of the men was bald and wore a horrible overcoat, the other elder male was wearing what looked to be a rather expensive purple velvet suit and the youngest of the males, he could have only been about eighteen was wearing black trousers and a black and white striped shirt, the most startling thing about him was his long black hair that reached his waist. The women though, their outfits were different, the brunette was wearing a green skirt suit set, whilst the eldest a black haired women was wearing a black floor length dress which appeared to have a tentacle-like base. The youngest was wearing a grey floor length dress with a crisp white shirt underneath it.

Before Gwen was able to figure out how to turn the sound on the CCTV footage on Tosh entered through the cog door. Gwen’s phone began to ring at that exact moment, checking the caller ID she saw that it was Rhys, she answered it a fake smile plastered across her face. “Hi darling. Yes, Tosh has just arrived, I’m on my way. See you soon.” She spoke before hanging up and taking one last look at the CCTV, noting Ianto hugging the woman with the tentacles, then shut down the program and her computer. She bid Toshiko goodbye before getting on the invisible lift, she had to get home and get changed before going to a party hosted by Rhys’ mothers’ family, ‘great’ she thought, ‘a night with the most up-tight people on the planet.’


	2. Chapter 2

When Rhys stopped the car outside a large manor house Gwen could not hold in her gasp, the house itself looked liked it had seen better days and the grounds could do with being looked after a bit more than they obviously had been, but the sheer size of the place was amazing. Gwen couldn’t help but wonder how she had never known how much money Rhys’ family must have to buy a place like this.

“Whose house is this Rhys? And can we park here?” Gwen asked.

“It’s my cousins’ house although neither of them live here. Rhia lives on a council estate with her family and her brother has a flat near the bay. We can leave the car here my aunts butler will move it. Come on.” Rhys said, as he left the car leaving it unlocked, he made his way up to the front door ringing the doorbell. It let out a scream, startling Gwen and a couple of second later the door opened and a large man stood in the doorway. “You rang.” His dulcet tones reached out to them.

“Lurch, old man. How are you?” Rhys asked, handing the man his car keys as he nodded, knowing that Lurch would park the car wherever the cars were being parked. Gwen stood to his side, silent for once, trying to take everyone and everything in at once, she didn’t notice when Lurch left and she didn’t appear to notice thing take their coats.

A yell of “Aluka” caught Gwens’ attention and before she knew it one of the women she had seen Jack and Ianto meet earlier, the youngest if she wasn’t mistaken, was talking to Rhys.

“Hello Aluka”, Wednesday spoke, “Is this your wife, Gwyneth wasn’t it?”

“It Gwen” Gwen answered shortly.

Rhys just nodded, and hugged Wednesday, knowing that he would be referred to by his middle name for most of the night. “How are you Wednesday? Have you found a husband yet?” he asked, knowing that the Addams’ trip was to find Wednesday a husband.

She scowled at him, “No, cousin Aluka. You know I don’t want to marry, why I caught that stupid bouquet I don’t know. I can’t get out of it either, I’ve even tried the marriage didn’t last why do I have to marry card, alas it did not work.”

Rhys chuckled, “Tough luck kid, you’ll think of something. Did you get your birthday present?”

By this point Gwen had tuned the conversation out, trying to figure out what was going on and why Jack and Ianto had been meeting what appeared to be Rhys’ family. She tuned back into the conversation in time to hear Rhys ask the girl if she was still raising spiders.

“But of course, Aluka”, she replied and then turned around showing her hair, which was in two braids and then coiled up onto her head, being held in place by a tarantula. Gwen let out a small screech at the sight, something that seemed to go unnoticed by the rest of the party.

When Rhys asked how they got through customs the girl smiled, “Cousin Tharmus sorted everything out and sent cousin Andronenkos to collect us.”

Rhys nodded, knowing that he should have realised Tharmus or rather Ianto had done something to that effect, from what he knew of Torchwood they could certainly get the Addams’ through customs easily enough. After Andronenkos was mentioned the conversation seemed to end and Rhys steered Gwen further into the house and away from Wednesday, only to be cornered by Margaret.


	3. Chapter 3

Ianto gave a small sigh as he looked around his house, he had missed this over the last few years, just being together as a family, he still saw Rhiannon, Johnny and the kids often, and he seemed to see both Rhys and Andy more since Gwen had joined Torchwood, but nothing could compare to an Addams family gathering.

He gave a small smile as he noticed Andy walking towards him, “Alright, Ianto?” he asked as he drew closer garnering a glare from one of their uncles, “Sorry, are you alright Tharmus?” he asked putting on a false posh voice to annoy the man glaring at him. It worked and the man walked off muttering about children who needed to learn respect for their elders.

They launched into a conversation in which Ianto tried to convince Andy to tell the family why he had left in the first place, Ianto having seen him in the throes of a vision a few years previously and understood his reasons for leaving home. Andy still hadn’t told the family about his visions though, the only people who knew were Jack and Ianto, his ability having been of use to them when collecting rift debris.

“Did you get the box?” Andy asked, trying to redirect the conversation.

Ianto nodded, “Yep, Gwen brought it in. Thanks for that by the way, from what Jack tells me I’ll have fun with the contents.”

Andy smiled, “No problem, where is Jack anyway?” he asked only to laugh when he saw the man in question at the top of the main staircase with a sword in hand. The laughter then turned to awe as he watched Jack fence with Gomez, showing amazing skill and blocking all of Gomez’s moves.

Ianto just gave a small smile as he remembered the conversation he had had with Jack telling him about his family, when he had told Jack that his family was rather odd the man had just laughed at him and told him that all families were odd. He had then become more specific, describing different family members to him, trying to get the point across to his lover that his family were a bit more odd than normal families. Jack had just smiled and told him that by his time no-one really cared how odd a family member was, only which side of the family they came from, then proceeded to remove thoughts of odd family members from his mind. Ianto allowed Jack to distract him, knowing that the man had seen a lot in his life and that if he believed he could handle meeting the Addams’ then he’d be fine.

Thoughts of Jack’s reaction made Ianto think what Gwen’s reaction must have been, most likely gaping at Rhys or widening of her eyes. She seemed to be rather freaked out earlier over Cousin’s Itt and What, so maybe Rhys hadn’t told her about everyone or gone into detail like he had with Jack. A sudden thought hit Ianto and he turned to Andy, “Have you seen Gwen or Aluka?”

Andy just nodded and pointed over towards the conservatory where Cousin Margaret seemed to be holding court, talking to Gwen or Rhys. Ianto couldn’t help but notice the look on Gwen’s face, it seemed to be stuck somewhere between horror and disbelief, you could tell by the wideness of her eyes and how far they were to falling out of her eye sockets.

Ianto made his way over to them just in time to hear Rhys persuade Gwen to get something to eat, “Come on Gwen, you have to try grandmamma’s cooking, it’s to die for. You think my food is good, it was grandmamma who taught us to cook.”

Ianto smiled at the thought of grandmamma and her cooking, but then his face almost split in two at the thought of Gwen’s reaction to grandmamma’s food. It wasn’t that he disliked Gwen, but the idea of her being a little unsettled by everything was very satisfactory, especially as she tended to think she was the most knowledgeable and experienced member of the team. Her constant attempts to get Jack, even though she is married to Rhys, may also contribute to his satisfaction at her being so out of her depth. Suddenly Ianto wasn’t as worried about whether Rhys had explained about the family, which for some reason he was sure he hadn’t, instead he would just relax and enjoy the show.


	4. Chapter 4

Gwen wasn’t too sure about the woman in front of her, she seemed normal, she even looked normal, but Cousin Margaret couldn’t be normal. No-one else that she had seen her with the exception of herself and Rhys was normal, and this seemingly normal woman, if she was normal wouldn’t stay with these abnormal people. The butler definitely wasn’t normal, he was too tall and large, his speech not very advanced, ‘maybe he’s an alien’ she thought. As for the girl, Wednesday she was sure Rhys had called her, what parents did that to their child giving it such a weird name, wearing a tarantula as a hairpiece wasn’t what society would classify as normal. How had she even got it into the country through customs, she thought back to the conversation earlier remembering the names Tharmus and Andronenkos, she’d get Tosh to do a search the next day.

Thinking about the girl and the butler brought her to thoughts of Jack and Ianto, why had they been meeting with these people, why would they meet up with Rhys’ family, it was not necessary, unless something was going on. Steeling her resolve she decided that as usual she would have to figure everything out, as none of the team were really any good at investigative work, she had no idea how they had managed before she joined Torchwood. 

She heard the clanging of swords and what she was sure was Jack’s booming laugh, but knew that it must be her mind playing tricks on her because she wanted to see him the most, so ignored it and continued to think on the strangeness of the people around her. What she really wanted to know was why these people kept referring to her husband as Aluka, didn’t these people use first names, and why did they keep trying to call her Gwyneth she thought with frustration.

She came out of her thoughts to the sound of Rhys’ voice, “Come on Gwen, you have to try grandmamma’s cooking, it’s to die for. You think my food is good, it was grandmamma who taught us to cook.”

Gwen smiled, a fake smile, but bordering on genuine, the idea of getting food sounded very appealing. Especially if it was made by the woman who had taught Rhys to cook, Rhys’ cooking was one of the main reasons that she stayed with him, and if Rhys said that his grandmamma’s cooking was even better then she was in for a treat.

Rhys led her into what could only be a dining room, the large dining room table was laden with many different dishes, none of which she seemed to be able to recognise, but then again she just eats whatever Rhys serves her at home. In one corner of the room the teenage boy that she had seen with the family at the hotel earlier was surrounded by four children, well three and the small hairy thing. There was the hairy thing, two boys about eight year old, one of which had a moustache, and a little girl who looked about six years old, they all seemed to be poking the boy with various sharp implements.

She turned away from the disturbing sight only to be greeted by the sight of Rhys in front of her with two bowls, of what must have been a soup of some kind. “Here, try this, it’s one of grandmamma’s speciality dishes, I’ve never been able to make it as well as she has.” Rhys said as he handed her a bowl and a spoon before digging into his.

Despite the odd people, she knew that the food must be safe and normal, especially if Rhys was enjoying it so much, with that in mind she brought a spoonful of the soup to her mouth. As soon as she swallowed the spoonful she began to gag and choke, “What was that?” she asked Rhys, her tone incredulous.

“Eye of Newt.” He replied matter-of-factly, “Boiled, grandmamma?” he questioned to a woman who appeared to the left of them wrapped in numerous black shawls and carrying a tray.

The woman gave him a toothy smile, “Stewed, Aluka. This must be your wife Gwyneth, have a cookie dear.” She passed Gwen a cookie before she could reply or try to object the name before adding, “They wiggle on the way down.”

As soon as the words left her mouth Gwen looked at the cookie in horror, at the same time the children all seemed to surround the woman everyone seemed to refer to as grandmamma asking for a cookie. It was the plea of the little girl that caused Gwen to pause, “Grandmamma, can you make me a munchbox for school, Uncle Yan says they were gruesomely delicious, I want to try a crunchy munchy salad.”

“Of course Lucretia dear, where is that uncle of yours anyway?” Grandmamma asked.

The little girl pointed back towards the main entrance/living room area of the mansion, "In there with his boyfriend.”

“Hmm, I wonder if they’ll want a cookie.” The old woman muttered and wandered of carrying the tray with the remaining cookies that had survived the children.

Rhys smiled at the young girl in front of him, “Go play, Micah.”

The glare he got from the girl startled Gwen, how someone that young could perfect a glare like that she had no idea, “Lucretia.” She stated with a growl.

Rhys gave a small chuckle, “Micah Lucretia Davies, go play.” He said as he handed her back the axe she had put down to hug grandmamma. “Go on, Pugsley wants to play.”

Micah smiled at him before taking the axe and skipping off to join her cousin and the other children. Gwen turned slack jawed to Rhys, “Why did you do that Rhys? She’s a child, you don’t give children weapons, she’ll get hurt she has no idea what she’s doing.”

“Nonsense”, a voice that was not Rhys replied, “She’s an Addams, of course she knows what she’s doing, we are not stupid or fools, no matter what people think of us. Look, she’s pinned Pugsley to the wall perfectly with that axe.”

“But she’s a child.” Gwen protested.

“So, would you rather her mother not teach her how to properly wield a weapon and wait until she finds them once she’s older and hurts herself. As an Addams it is her duty to learn her culture, her history, and her sportsmanship.” The man countered. “They’re perfectly safe, the children know what they are doing.”

“Uncle Gomez”, Rhys spoke, “How are you? How was your swordfight?”

“I’m fine, Aluka, dear boy. My swordfight, yes Tharmus’ man is quite experienced, that man knows how to handle a blade. His overall look as well, it’s a bit dated, but oh so sheik, he fits right in, have you met him yet? How are you doing, you seem to have put on some beef.” Gomez spoke jovially.

“I’ve met him a few times, he can be a bit of a handful at times, but he’s a good bloke. And I’ve never been better. It’s Grandmamma’s recipes”, Rhys explained, “I’ve been cooking like she taught me.”

Gomez’ eyebrows raised, “You don’t have any problems getting the ingredients around here? You haven’t had to import them?”

“Imported toadstools, I don’t think so.” Rhys said, disbelief colouring his tone, “I’m an Addams, we grow our own, or rather   
Rhiannon Acantha tends the gardens here and she and Tharmus allow me to take what I need. “ Rhys said using both Rhiannon’s public and Addams name so as not to upset his uncle. “The things in the swamp at this time of year are delicious.”

Gwen couldn’t believe her ears, she had always thought that Rhys’ meals were exotic, but from what he seemed to be saying she had been eating things from a swamp. Her mind thought back to a conversation she had at work a few months ago, but no, Ianto couldn’t have known. What had she been eating, she couldn’t get her mind around the fact that she had been eating something from a swamp and that she had enjoyed it or that it was Rhys who had been feeding her food from a swamp.


	5. Chapter 5

Andy smiled at the sight of the children running after Pugsley with various pieces of weaponry, it reminded him of his own childhood when he Ianto and Rhiannon would gang up on Rhys as the eldest and use him as a living target. His thoughts quickly spiralled at the thought of Rhys, his cousin went out of his way to ignore him nowadays, even when he was partnered with Gwen in the police force Rhys did everything he could to ignore him and stop Gwen from talking to him. As a result of this Gwen believes herself to be the cause of the conflict between them, a notion that Andy saw no need to dispel, he had no need for her to know his private family business, even if she is family now.

He sees Ianto regularly enough, but he misses Rhys and the rest of the family, just being an Addams, not that he isn’t now of course, just because he left home doesn’t mean he gave up on his beliefs. He knows that Rhys practices the skills he learnt growing up in secret so as not to alert Gwen, but he has no such need to hide and he doesn’t. The skills that he has learnt as an Addams are something that are useful to him in whatever it is he does, and are something he is proud of, he still considers himself an Addams despite having changed his name to better fit in within the police force.

He was brought from his musings by Uncle Fester who sidled up to him, “Have you seen Tharmus? I wanted to show him something I’ve been working on.”

Andy just smiled, “He got called back to work, some emergency or something, both he and Jack went, but they should be back soon.” 

Toshiko had called and both Ianto and Jack had scrambled into action, each grabbing their coats and yelling to him what they were doing before running out of the manor house. It was a rather amusing sight, one that had Andy wondering if Torchwood was always as mad a rush as those two had been in, or if the two of them were just insanely hyped up by the idea of danger. It could be either of them really or maybe even a bit of both.

Before Fester could formulate a reply Andy’s knees buckled as the pain associated with a vision hit him, the pain amplified a bit, most likely due to the powers other family members around him possessed. His eyes went wide and glassy during the vision and his whole body shook with tremors of pain, all eyes of those in the room turned towards them trying to figure out what was happening to him. Almost as soon as it started he collapsed to the ground, the pain having vanished and the vision subsided.  
Standing up shakily he gasped out, “Tharmus is in trouble, a pack of weevils, there’s too many of them.”

Whilst none of those around them really knew what he was talking about or what a weevil was they sprung into action, Fester seemed to organise the troops and before he knew it he was sat in the front of a car directing Lurch to where he had seen the weevils in his vision, with Cousins Pugsley and Wednesday in the back with Aunt Morticia and Uncle Gomez. When they arrived it was to the sight of Jack, Ianto and Tosh moving in on a weevil, while others started to appear through the trees.

Back at the manor everyone had been talking about Andronenkos’ vision and word had reached Rhys, he and Gwen stood talking to one of the more distant cousins hearing the story. Rhys was unsure as to what was going on but he was sure he would find out, his cousin was going to explain everything the next time he saw him he would make sure of it. Gwen wasn’t paying much attention to the story, rather thinking about how quickly she could get out of the mausoleum she was currently in and when Jack would admit his love for her, but tuned in rather quickly at the word weevil. She then excused herself, taking her com out of her bag and placing it in her ear before calling Toshiko.

Jack looked up, the weevil they had struggling too much to do anything with it before it broke out of their grasp, the small group of three were then quickly on guard for the other weevils that they sensed nearby. They weren’t surprised when a group of weevils rushed at them from the surrounding trees, what did startle them was the Addams contingent that jumped into the fray with them. Jack raised an eyebrow at Andy who just shook his head saying in a voice that was barely audible, “You need us.”

Jack just nodded at him before focusing completely on the weevils, then the sound of Toshiko’s voice reached him, “No, Gwen. I can’t talk just now, I’m busy.”

Distracted by Gwen, Toshiko missed the weevil that was coming towards her from her left, “TOSHIKO, WATCH OUT!!” Jack yelled, when he noticed her distraction.

Toshiko noticed the weevil too late, Gwen’s words, “Was that Jack?” ringing in her ears as she was lifted bodily from behind and taken out of reach of the snarling weevil. She risked a quick glance at her rescuer, hoping that she had not been grabbed by another weevil, only to see what must be the tallest man she had ever met, she got out a whispered “Thank you” before she asked to be put down.

The weevils then began to retreat with the exception of one that was stood almost nose to nose with Pugsley but not doing anything. The reason for the weevils’ scattering appeared from behind a tree, “Are you all alright?” Owen yelled, having been unable to get there from the hospital any quicker than he had. It was the that he notice the teen and the weevil, he made his way towards them as quickly as possible, when he reached them the weevil began to cower as expected as it began to back away, the cooing from the boy however was not what Owen expected at all.

“Hey, girl it’s okay. He’s not going to hurt you, I promise.” Pugsley said.

The weevil looked between Pugsley and Owen before letting out a whine, the boy then took on a coaxing tone again, “Now, now, stop that, its okay. I told you they won’t hurt you.” He said as he extended his hand towards the weevil.

“Tosh. Tosh. What’s happening? I demand you tell me.” Gwen’s voice could be heard through the com device.

“Not now Gwen.” Tosh said as she watched the teenager embrace the weevil.

As the weevil didn’t appear to be a threat Ianto turned to his family, “Not that I’m not grateful, but why are you here?”

It was Wednesday who replied, “Cousin Andronenkos said you were in danger. You’re family.” She said as if it explained everything, which it did. Andy had obviously had a vision in which he’d seen one of them in mortal danger, otherwise he would not have revealed his abilities to the family.

After a short discussion it was decided that everyone would go to Ianto’s to sort everything out. Pugsley insisted on bringing his new friend with him. It was Owen who verbalised both his and Tosh’s thoughts,”Erm, Ianto has family over do you really think taking a weevil to his place is a good idea.”

“Owen”, Jack spoke, “Members of Ianto’s family just came to help us with a weevil, armed with swords, on the word of a seer. Pugsley’s talking to a weevil, trust me they’re not spooked out, it will be fine.” He said placatingly.

“Fine”, Owen conceded, “But Gwen doesn’t find out. If she knew we took a weevil to Ianto’s family gathering, but retconned her wedding guests she’ll be unbearable.”


	6. Chapter 6

Gwen Cooper Williams was annoyed, how dare Tosh ignore her and not answer her questions, she was second in command at Torchwood, everyone should jump through hoops to do whatever she wished. It wasn’t as if she didn’t have the right to know what was going on, and she deserved to know whether or not Jack was there, she had to know where he was at all times in case he needed her.

She looked around the ballroom that she seemed to have gravitated towards with Rhys, the place was huge and surprisingly elegant, it seemed a contrast to the decoration of the rest of the house which was frankly startling. She had not yet met the owner, she was sure that he’d be just as freaky as the rest of the bunch, but it would be easy to get him to sign over the manor and any other assets he had to her and Rhys, Torchwood had a lot of sway, she could do it easily.

A commotion by the ballroom doors drew her attention, there was a large crowd around one man, they all seemed to be trying to hug him at once and she could hear high-pitched wails coming from one woman who kept repeating, ‘so sorry we never tried to find out why you left’ over and over again. Gwen was just beginning to wonder if this was an everyday occurrence when Rhys’ quickly made his way over to the group, unsure of what was happening she followed him.

Rhys pushed his way into the middle of the group then punched the man in the shoulder before speaking, “Why did you never tell us? why just leave?, we all thought you’d had it with our family, especially when you changed your name, why Andronenkos?”  
Gwen just stared at her husband as he pulled her ex-police partner Andy Davidson into a hug, she couldn’t hear what Andy said but whatever it was seemed to snap Rhys out of whatever mood it was he was in because he let out a laugh. Rhys turned to her a smile on his face, “I’d like to introduce you to my cousin Andronenkos.”

Gwen just looked between them before finally finding her voice, “What do you mean cousin? And Andronenkos? His name’s Andy, I worked with him, I know who he is. I thought you didn’t like each other.”

Gwen couldn’t believe her ears as they told her of Andy’s separation from the family and their dislike of each other, she was totally floored, as if the day couldn’t get any worse. First Jack was ignoring her not giving her the attention she deserves, then she finds out that Rhys’ family obviously has money, but she isn’t getting any of it, then she finds out that his family are all freaks. Then to top it all off Andy is Rhys’ cousin and they had been fighting over some ancient family business, she had been sure that they fought over her, why did nothing ever go her way.

Noticing that both men were now absorbed in their own conversation and not paying any attention to her she let out a sniff of annoyance, before looking around the room once more, trying to work out who the owner of the manor was. Whilst searching she caught sight of a familiar face talking to the bald man in the overcoat. She smiled as she made her way over to them, catching the tail end of their conversation, “Preservatives, that’s what you need, they should help to keep you whole. I’ll try to think of something to sort your hand.”

Gwen cut in before anything else could be said, “Sorry, but I need to steal him away.” Not that she was sorry at all, but she led Owen away from the man before leaning in to whisper to him, “So what’s the plan then.”

Owen just stared at her looking at her as if he was unsure as to what to make of her. “What plan is this then?”

“To take in this lot, of course.” She replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “I’m there is no way that some of this lot are human, especially the butler. So what is the plan?”

Owen sighed, “There is no plan, Gwen. “, he spoke slowly as if speaking to a child.

“Why are you here then? You should be working, just because I’m not there doesn’t mean you can slack off.” Gwen spat at him. “We need to take these people in.”

“I was invited.” Owen said, ignoring the way she spoke to him, it wasn’t worth the screeching that would be a result of him mentioning it. “As a guest it’s bad manners to go to a party and try to arrest the host or his family.”

“Invited, who by. “ Then she thought on what else he said, “Manners. Owen you have none.”

“By the owner of this estate.” He bit out, annoyed at her belief that he had no manners, he may be a git at times, but he was a socially acceptable person when he wanted to be. He then walked away before she had a chance to say anything else or insult him more.

Gwen stood looking at the spot Owen had just vacated in astonishment, Owen had stormed off, ignoring her, he would pay in some way or other she thought, but first she had to deal with the freakish people in the house. She then noted the butler in the room, he appeared to be trying to hold a conversation with someone a lot smaller than him, not that that would be hard as everyone in the house had to be smaller than him. 

A soft feminine laugh reached her ears, a sound that she was sure she had heard before, she tried to search out the sound only to be confronted by the butlers’ conversationalist who turned out to be none other than Toshiko Sato. Gwen couldn’t believe it, what were both Tosh and Owen doing here when they were supposed to be working, she wasn’t sure but she knew that she would need to rescue poor hapless Tosh from the butler.

Grabbing Tosh by the arm she whispered hastily in her ear, “What are you doing talking to that thing?”

The look that crossed Tosh’s face wasn’t what she was expecting, Gwen was sure she would have seen gratitude and relief instead she was faced with anger. “His name is Lurch, Gwen, and I’m having a conversation.”

“Tosh, don’t be silly, come on let’s get you away from him before he does anything to you.” Gwen spoke, fake concern in her voice, if something happened to Tosh it would be her own fault for not listening to Gwen and ignoring her earlier.

“Gwen” Tosh spoke sharply, “All Lurch has done is converse with me, and saved my life when you endangered me with your inane questions earlier. Now if you’d leave us alone.”

Gwen was unsure as to what was happening with Tosh, but decided just to leave her, the butler had been quiet throughout the whole conversation but was looking at Tosh with a look of utter adoration on his face. She turned to leave only to be confronted by the woman who Jack and Ianto met earlier with the tentacle-like dress.

“Ah Gwyneth, there you are dear. I’ve wanted to meet with you all night, to welcome you to the family personally. I’m Morticia, it’s lovely to meet you eventually. Come, you must have some tea.” The woman spoke before leading Gwen to an area of tables on the other side of the ballroom.


	7. Chapter 7

“I’m so happy to finally meet you Gwyneth dear, we wanted to come to the wedding, but we were unable to make it here in time. We were overjoyed to hear that Aluka was getting married.” Morticia spoke.

Gwen sat a table opposite Morticia, unsure as to what to think of the woman, with the exception of her peculiar dress sense the woman seemed rather normal. The idea of the woman and this family at her wedding seemed unthinkable, it was bad enough that there was a shape shifter there. No longer able to stand it she spoke, “My name is Gwen, not Gwyneth.”

Morticia looked up at her, “I apologise Gwen dear, would you like some tea.” She nodded towards the teapot.

Gwen turned to look at the teapot, it had to be an antique she thought, but it was what was holding the teapot that really got her attention, pouring tea into two cups was a severed hand. She let out a scream startling the hand, in its fright at the noise it managed to pour some tea on Gwen’s shaking hand.

Morticia looked at the woman in surprise, “What’s wrong? It’s only Thing. Thing this is Aluka’s wife, Gwen this is Thing.”  
Before Gwen could say anything some music started playing and the man who had been talking to her and Rhys earlier, Gomez, came over to them. “Dance, cara mia?” He held his hand out to Morticia, who smiled and took the proffered hand before excusing herself and allowing Gomez to lead her on to the dance floor.

Gwen was left sitting at the table alone, or rather alone in the sense that she had no human company, the hand Thing was now sat on the back of the chair Morticia had just vacated waving at her. Standing up she moved quickly, trying to find Rhys hoping that she could convince him that they needed to leave.

Outside the ballroom a small group of four people, or rather three and a weevil, Jack and Ianto were using Pugsley as an interpreter to hold a conversation with the weevil whom Pugsley referred to as Blossom, once they found out that weevils didn’t have names as such. They had found out that while there was no real weevil hierarchy they all feared and respected Owen, but they didn’t know why, it was like a biological imperative. The weevils were a low-level telepathic race that mainly communicated by telepathy, and they had been dumped in the sewers of Cardiff by the rift.

Jack was just about to ask Pugsley to ask her why they keep coming above ground and attacking people when the weevil suddenly grabbed Pugsley by the hand and led him through the doors into the ballroom. Jack and Ianto just followed, unsure as to what the weevil was up to, but on guard in case it was something that would prove to be dangerous, the sight that met them when they followed into the ballroom was astounding. ‘Blossom’ was trying to get Pugsley to dance with her, Ianto just raised an eyebrow as his cousin gave in, and Jack held out his hand to him.

“Dance?” Jack asked a smile on his face as he did so.

Ianto just looked at him, “You can tango?”

Jack just nodded as he led him to the dance floor, “I’ve been known to, shall we show them what we’ve got, Mr Jones?”

Gwen had just reached Rhys’ when she spotted the weevil dragging the teen that she had seen pinned to the wall by an axe earlier, she was about to go after it when she realised that she didn’t have her gun with her or anything to sedate the weevil with. She knew she was good at her job and could take the weevil on singlehandedly with no weapon but she knew that the guests in the room may aggravate or distract the weevil making the situation dangerous for her. Her horror filled thoughts were quickly abated and relief flooded her features as she saw Jack and Ianto run into the ballroom after the weevil, before stopping where they were just staring at the weevil.

She turned to look at the weevil only to find it tangoing with the teen, she shook her head as if to clear her mind of the delusions she was seeing, the first time ever, she’d never had any delusions before, she was so realistic about everything. When she looked again it was to see Jack and Ianto making their way towards the teen and the weevil, although neither tried to apprehend it, instead they too began to tango. It was a sight to see, with them switching who led the dance, the passion that flew through them was indescribable, but she knew that it was all acting as Jack loved her.

What she didn’t know was why they were acting about dancing, when they could just grab the weevil and go, it seemed pretty docile all it was doing was dancing. That brought another thought to her mind, how the hell did a weevil know how to tango. She looked at the dance floor again, only to catch the weevil’s eye, it stared back and let out a growl at her, the teen laughed and she fainted.


	8. Chapter 8

When Gwen came round it was to see a group of people circled around her, Rhys of course, with Andy, Owen, Jack and Ianto, there were also a few members of Rhys’ misfit family and the weevil. She let out a small scream as the weevil leaned down to get a closer look at her, almost examining her before it let out a snort when she whimpered. The teen then turned to the weevil shocking Gwen when he spoke to it, “Come on now Blossom, it’s not nice to call her pathetic.”

Gwen just stared for a moment, how dare the weevil, something that lives in the sewers and eats waste call her, Gwen Cooper pathetic, she was anything but. The group was still hovering about her some looking at her worriedly, the others wondering why she hadn’t got up yet. She finally found her feet, holding onto Rhys for support she turned to Jack, “What’s going on Jack? Why are you here if you aren’t doing anything about the weevil?”

“I was invited.” Jack said, knowing that it would annoy her, she deserved it after nearly getting Tosh killed and ruining his dance with Ianto by calling attention to herself by fainting over something as little as a dancing weevil.

Gwen let out a growl at this, quickly echoed by Blossom, Gwen shrank back a bit into Rhys, “Who by?” she questioned.

“Ianto” Jack replied, “He thought it was about time I met his family, especially as so many of them were in town.”

The look on Gwen’s face was priceless, “You – You mean Ianto is related to this lot as well.” She stuttered out.”

“My full name is Ianto Tharmus Addams Jones. I would have told you, but I thought it would be better for Rhys to tell you that we were cousins, than me telling you.” Ianto spoke calmly as usual, ignoring the slight on his family for now, he could deal with that later.

Gwen just stared at him before turning to look at Rhys who was trying to look innocent and muttered, “I was going to tell you love, I just didn’t know how.” 

Then she remembered the conversation from earlier, “Tharmus and Andronenkos.” She looked between Ianto and Andy, “You got them in through customs.”

At Ianto’s nod Gwen turned to Jack, “Jaaaack, Ianto’s been abusing his privileges as a Torchwood agent, by bringing them through customs easily. I mean you wouldn’t let me pull the Torchwood card to get into that spa.”

“He had permission.” Jack stated, then added, “And that wasn’t a spa it was a dump. If you were pulling the Torchwood card to get into a spa, it would have to be one of decent quality. No-one associated with me could ever be caught dead in the place you wanted to go Gwen, I’d die of embarrassment.”

Blossom, who had obviously become bored with the proceedings dragged Pugsley back onto the dance floor, other members of the family moving back to wherever they came from, leaving only the four members of the Torchwood team, Tosh not with them at the time.

Gwen really wasn’t happy with the idea of Ianto getting things when she couldn’t so tried to distract Jack’s attention onto herself, giving him a coy smile she spoke, “Jack don’t you think that we should take the weevil back to the hub, you and I could take it leaving everyone else here at the party to enjoy themselves.” She knew that Jack would jump at the chance to spend time with her and to get away from all the freaks around them.

Ianto couldn’t believe it, he knew that Gwen wanted Jack, but he didn’t think she’d be so obvious about it with him and her husband in the room, never mind the rest of their family. He gave a mental sigh, then a smirk as he thought of the family motto ‘Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc ‘,We gladly feast on those who would subdue us. Gwen would get her just desserts in due course.

“Nah, Blossom will be fine with Pugsley, he has her under control.” Jack stated, ignoring the looks that she was throwing him, she obviously believed them to be sultry, he just thought them nauseating. He was about to lead Ianto back to the dance floor when Micah came rushing towards them with What following her.

“Uncle Yan, Uncle Jack. Look what Tosh did to What’s hair, isn’t it pretty.” Micah said as she pointed at cousin What whose hair was in spiral curls.

Both Jack and Ianto smiled at her before listening to What squeak on about how pretty his hair looked, Jack muttering about Tosh still carrying the alien hair curling tongs in her bag. By this point Owen had wandered off, he appeared to be flirting with Wednesday, but Gwen had stayed and was staring at What in astonishment, no longer did he just look like a hairy thing, he now looked like a permed hairy thing.

Micah, a little upset that her cousin seemed to be getting all her uncle’s attention, decided to show her uncle that she had been practicing what he had taught her. She took her daggers, one from each boot, before taking a dagger from Ianto’s boot catching his attention, “I’ve been practicing, watch.” She then began to juggle the daggers expertly, Gwen however seemingly knowing best as always tried to intervene.

“Stop, you’ll hurt yourself.” She screeched, startling Micah who dropped one of the daggers. Luckily it didn’t get stuck in the floor, instead it embedded itself in the foot of the woman who was trying to take it away from its owner.

Gwen let out a yell of pain as the dagger sliced into her foot, and before she knew it she was getting her early exit from the Addams’ family gathering, being taken to the hospital, leaving everyone at the party to enjoy themselves. Gwen sighed at the thought of the party, it was supposed to be a night with the most up-tight people on the planet, but instead it was a night with the creepiest people on the planet, with nothing going her way. Gwen hated life at times, oh well, everything would work in her favour eventually and she’d get everything she’d ever want, she’d just have to be a bit more patient.


End file.
